There's Something About Caroline
by lucexoxo
Summary: Raise your hand if you dated Caroline Forbes and got your heart broken... AH/Oneshot


**A/N:** This is nothing more than a senseless and random act of boredom.

 **There's Something About Caroline…**

" _Look directly into the camera and speak very clearly, please."_

"Uh, ok?" Throats cleared as his attention shifted to the camera lens and his heart rate sped up inside his chest. "My name is-"

" _My name is Tyler Lockwood-"_

" _-Damon Salvatore-"_

" _-Matt Donovan-"_

" _-Klaus Mikaelson-"_

" _-Alaric Saltzman-"_

"My name is Stefan Salvatore and I dated Caroline Forbes…"

 **-x-**

 **TELL US ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH CAROLINE FORBES…**

 _Tyler Lockwood_

"The girl is a firecracker in the sack!" His dark eyes bulged, "I mean seriously. This girl can make you forget your name, where you live and how old you are." Then he sighed, a dreamy look adorning his face, "She thought the vein in my forehead was sexy…"

 **-x-**

 _Alaric Saltzman_

"It was brief really," he scratched the back of his head nervously. "Looking back on it now I should have known she was never really into me…"

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

"Wait. You're not gonna tell my girlfriend about any of this are you?" His dark brows furrowed.

 **-x-**

 _Matt Donovan_

"Well, she was my…" He paused to clear his throat and look down at the floor, "She was my first." He looked back up into the camera lens, "I gave her my heart and she took my virginity. It was-"

 **-x-**

 _Stefan Salvatore_

"I thought that maybe she was just a free spirit. That she was unique and not like the previous girls I'd dated. She'd drink tequila straight from the bottle and knew how to throw a party like no one else. But then my ex-girlfriend from when I was, like, 17 suddenly reappeared in my life professing her undying love for me and without even hesitating Caroline took off claiming she wasn't going to deal with any drama." He shook his head slowly as if rekindling a memory. "God she was amazing in bed…"

 **-x-**

 _Klaus Mikaelson_

"The sex was fucking amazing. _Scandalous_ was the word I think she used," his crimson lips tilted upwards into a smirk. "We didn't really make it past the first date. Actually, we didn't even make it _to_ the date. She made it clear it was to be a strictly no-strings-attached thing." His mouth tugged into a childish pout, "I felt so used…"

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

"Ok, so it was long before I was with my girlfriend when we hooked up," he sighed wistfully. "It was the most exhilarating time of my entire life being with Caroline." His eyes darted around the room nervously, "Don't tell any of this to my girlfriend, but," he leaned in closer to the camera, his voice barely above a whisper, "We used to do roleplay. Twilight style."

 **-x-**

 _Tyler Lockwood_

"I messed it up though, man," he grimaced. "I like to think of myself as a bit of a lone wolf, you know? And Caroline's the life of the party, so I started to hang-out with girls more like me. I even got one to stay over a couple of nights. Just to chill, though" he insisted, running a hand through his jet-black hair. "The next thing I know she's going on a date with some other dude. So I figured, alright. It's like that?" He snorted bitterly, "I sleep with one other chick and she black balls me," he shook his head. "I haven't had sex in _months_ , man. Every chick I try to hit on turns me down with the same two words, _Caroline Forbes_ , before strutting away."

 **-x-**

 _Alaric Saltzman_

"At the time I really thought we were going somewhere. Like, there were moments where I swear we were perfectly in synch" his mouth formed a flat line and he shook his head sadly. "I mean, she even slept over some nights," he shrugged. "But when I came home one day all her stuff was gone," he rubbed a hand over his face. "That was the day after I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. You know, like have kids and get married and stuff. I should have known what was coming when she didn't respond after I'd said it."

 **-x-**

 _Matt Donovan_

"Can I have a moment, please?" He sniffles as a box of Kleenex was shoved in his face by a production assistant. "Thank you. I just get really emotional when it comes to Caroline…" He blew his nose loudly.

 **-x-**

 _Klaus Mikaelson_

"I think it was the fact that I have a daughter that scared her away," he paused for a moment before something subtle shifted in his expression. "Either that or she wasn't keen on the fact I'm a serial killer," he said, amusement twinkling behind his gaze, while gasps could be heard coming from backstage. His eyes flitted to the left of the camera, " _Joking._ British humor? It's something we do sometimes to try and be funny?" He waved a loose hand, dismissing it. "It was definitely because I was a father. She was totally into me before I started talking about myself more," he chuckled. "You don't get personal with Caroline Forbes. You just don't."

 **-x-**

 **WOULD YOU DATE CAROLINE FORBES AGAIN?**

 _Stefan Salvatore_

"Without the presence of psycho-exes?" His brow rose in interest.

 **-x-**

 _Alaric Saltzman_

"Would I date- yes." He cut himself off, "Yes, yes I would. In a heartbeat." He nodded his head vigorously.

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

"I have a girlfriend, now. Hellooooo."

 **-x-**

 _Matt Donovan_

"Why?" He sniffed, pressing a tissue into the corner of one of his watery, blue eyes. "Did she say something?" He looked back into the camera lens hopefully. "Did she? Seriously," he wiped a hand over his tear-streaked face, "Did she?"

 **-x-**

 _Tyler Lockwood_

"Hell no! That bitch ruined my life!" He shouted angrily. "No, wait," he huffed and slouched in his seat. "Who am I kidding? Yeah, I totally would."

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

"If I didn't have or… or was broken up from my girlfriend?" He ran a hand stressfully through his hair and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Suddenly, after a few beats of him internally thinking, his blue eyes brightened. "I've got it! If we were, like, supernatural, or something, and my girlfriend was sent to sleep for eternity so that I would never see her again. Or maybe if we bumped into each other in another time zone? Different time zones than the one at home don't constitute as cheating, right?" he asked seriously. "No wait… _shit_ ," he slapped a hand to his forehead.

 **-x-**

 _Klaus Mikaelson_

"I'm kind of busy running an empire in New Orleans now," he sank back into his seat with a cool shrug. "But I mean, well…" his mouth twisted in thought, "I did promise I'd wait for her. However long it'd take. Surely she's matured now, right?" His blue eyes pierced through the camera lens, directing the question as if the blonde was in the room with him.

 **-x-**

 _Matt Donovan_

"I'm being completely, dead serious with you people," his face grew solemn. "Did she, or did she not, say something about me?"

 **-x-**

 **HOW DID YOU COME TO DATE CAROLINE FORBES?**

 _Alaric Saltzman_

"Don't tell anyone because I could lose my job, but," he paused to nervously clear his throat, "I was actually her History professor," he mumbled. "We didn't get together till after she'd graduated. But still…"

 **-x-**

 _Stefan Salvatore_

"She was kinda my, urm, sober sponsor. Some volunteering thing she had to do with her sorority at college, I can't really remember now. Anyway, I used to, kind of, have a bit of a drink problem," he smiled sadly. "I used to go on week long benders and rip up all the connections I'd made, never settling anywhere. Until Caroline that is," he sighed fondly. "We didn't have sex immediately if that's what you're thinking. I mean, I wanted to. Hell yes I wanted to. But she has this charisma about her that pulls you in," his hazel eyes lit up. "When you're around her it's as if nothing else matters," he blinked a few times and looked into the camera. "You cured me, Caroline. In more ways than you'll ever know."

 **-x-**

 _Klaus Mikaelson_

"It started with a confession," his stare darkened with lust as he recalled the memory. "The rest was history."

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

"It was inevitable, really. The 'bad boy' and the 'neurotic, control freak,'" he air-quoted with an eye roll. "I just never thought she'd dump me for some quarterback virgin."

 **-x-**

 _Matt Donovan_

"We always flirted in class but she had a thing with this college guy, Damon Salvatore, and I was just some lame-ass High Schooler," he grumbled, suddenly becoming really interested in his fingernails. "But then one night during junior year she dragged me home from some party and the next thing I know I'm naked on her couch. It lasted three weeks," he grinned happily, "three whole _glorious_ weeks…"

 **-x-**

 _Tyler Lockwood_

"I just walked up to her and asked her out. She has this kind of confident beauty you just don't pass up, you know? I saw what I wanted and went for it. Luckily she also liked what she saw," he waggled his eyebrows. "My mom caught her sneaking out one morning," he chuckled. "My cousin Mason is still trying to find out who she is…" His brow furrowed in confusion, "Come to think of it I'm pretty sure she said she was breaking up with me for some guy named Ripper?" He shrugged, "Sounds like a loser if you ask me."

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

He laughed. "Good thing she wasn't ready to settle down, right? Or else I would never have got together with my beautiful girlfriend Elena!" He waved into the camera, "I love you, baby!" Then he paused for a moment, "Hang on, she's not gonna see any of this is she?" he asked, his eyes widening.

 **-x-**

 **WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM DATING CAROLINE FORBES?**

 _Tyler Lockwood_

"Not to piss off Caroline Forbes and how to respect women more, that's for damn sure" he nodded. "I like to think I'm less of a dick now. Still a lone wolf though," he tilted his head back and howled. "If that didn't turn you on, I don't know what would," he winked into the camera.

 _When questioned Caroline said that it most certainly did not turn her on and the fact that he thought it was sexy explained a lot._

 **-x-**

 _Stefan Salvatore_

"I don't date blondes anymore," he smiled dryly. "I dated brunettes before and I'm only dating brunettes from now on," he paused. "Oh, and hero hair doesn't always get you the girl."

 **-x-**

 _Klaus Mikaelson_

"Scandalous sex is the best sex," his mouth quirked upwards. "And bark gets everywhere," he grimaced. "Literally _everywhere_."

 **-x-**

 _Matt Donovan_

"Women lie," he swallowed another sob. "They can be just like guys," he gulped and a pained expression crossed his face. "Worse even."

 **-x-**

 _Alaric Saltzman_

"Never say I love you unless you know for certain the other person feels the same way," he sighed. "She'd still be warming my bed if I hadn't smothered her with plans of a future together. I miss her smooth skin, her soft, silky hair and the way her dimples poke out when she smiles…"

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

"What _didn't_ I learn from Caroline freaking Forbes is the real question," he arched a brow and threw a suggestive wink at the camera. "No, I'm kidding. I'm not exactly sure what I learned from Caroline, other than charades. It's really my girlfriend, Elena, who's taught me how to be the man I am today," he grinned.

 _Awwwww_ sounds could be heard resonating from backstage.

 **-x-**

 **ANY LAST WORDS FOR CAROLINE FORBES?**

 _Matt Donovan_

"Please take me back, Care? _Please_?" He then proceeded to slide down off the chair onto his knees, clasping his palms together and begging the camera.

 **-x-**

 _Tyler Lockwood_

"I'm sorry, ok!" he yelled out into the room, throwing his arms out in exasperation.

 **-x—**

 _Stefan Salvatore_

"I still love you," he mumbled as the camera zoomed in and focused on his moving lips.

 **-x-**

 _Matt Donovan_

Sniffling on the ground, he blinked and used the back of his hand to wipe his nose. "I swear I won't cry during sex again!"

He then began to cry.

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

"Please don't ever tell Elena about us. She'll never let me attend another Founding Families event again if she thinks you'll be there," he chuckled awkwardly and nervously scratched the back of his head.

 **-x-**

 _Klaus Mikaelson_

He cocked his head to the side and smirked, "Touché, Forbes, touché."

 _We're still not sure what that means…_

 **-x-**

 _Stefan Salvatore_

"I really do still love you," he gazed down the lens, "and I don't care if you don't like hearing it because I _love_ saying it. And yes, I do still have your Justin Bieber album and no, I'm not giving it back. It's awesome and I'm confident enough with my masculinity to admit that."

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

"Hey," his smirk was Cheshire. "Remember that time in the basement…" His lips thinned into a flat line as he quickly cut himself off. "Wait, no. I have no memories of you! I'm in a committed and stable relationship!"

 _We think we've established that Damon…_

 **-x-**

 _Matt Donovan_

The production assistant handed Matt another box of Kleenex. He was unable to speak when questioned.

 **-x-**

 _Klaus Mikaelson_

"Rome, Paris, Tokyo," in a flash of crimson his lips quirked into an instinctive smirk. "They're all still on the cards, love."

 _Half our female staff members swooned and then proceeded to hastily write down their numbers which they stuffed into his jacket pockets after the interview was over._

 **-x-**

 _Alaric Saltzman_

He sighed, "Proposing and talking about starting a family after 3 months is too forward, I get that now. I just couldn't help myself around you!" He then pauses and inhales a deep breath, "Speaking of which, uh," he lifted an awkward shoulder, mouth parting in search of how to formulate his next sentence, but instead he just ended up gaping gormlessly like a goldfish for half a minute. "Speaking of which," he continued, "Do you still have that engagement ring? Things are pretty tight on a teacher's salary." He attempted a chuckle but in reality a strange coughing sound escaped his lips, before he turned a deep shade of red.

 _Caroline has since posted the engagement ring back, via 1_ _st_ _Class, accompanied by a family planning kit with a note reading:_

 _Be safe xo_

 **-x-**

 _Tyler Lockwood_

"I really am sorry," he pleaded his case once again. "Just please lift this curse you've put on my dick!" He hastily stood up, his hands making a V-shape pointing down to his crotch area. "I'm seconds away from becoming a born-again virgin! Come on, Forbes! What if you released me once every Full Moon?" He asked desperately before slumping back down into the seat behind him.

 _There is yet to be word on whether Caroline has lifted this 'curse' Tyler speaks of._

 **-x-**

 _Stefan Salvatore_

"What do you mean? Ohoooh, when you nod your head yes, but you wanna say no. What do you mean?!" He sang and began attempting (what we assumed) was some sort of twerk whilst flashing a flirty grin at the camera.

 _He is now all over Youtube, thanks to one of our staff member's cellular devices. He has since received over 1.5 million hits and continues to record new videos weekly to post on his page with the help of same said staff member._

 **-x-**

 _Damon Salvatore_

"Shit. I've just remembered," he stands up and shakes out his leather jacket. "I've got to get home and burn that tape before Elena finds it. You know that time with the towel? I forgot I even had that until today…"

 _The tape was stolen and is now on eBay with a current bid of $51,456._

 _Elena then went on to break every camera in the house. She forgave both Damon and Caroline when she remembered it had happened before they were together and before they had even met._

 _Since the publication of this interview sales figures have been released highlighting an increase in the purchase of male body glitter as well as Twilight sales temporarily spiking._

 _Caroline was unavailable for comment when contacted. She was, at the time, 'too busy' with her latest conquest- Derek Hale._

 **-x-**

 _Matt Donovan_

"Why, Care? Just tell me why?!" He cried to an empty room. The crew had left him alone with the camera, sick of listening to his whining.

 _When asked for a statement, Caroline explained she'd only dated Matt on a dare made by her friend Katherine Pierce._

 **-x-**

 _Tyler Lockwood_

"Ok, how much do you want? My dad's the mayor of Mystic Falls. Two grand? Six? What? _What_ do you _want_? My left ball?" He was so close to the camera that when he yelled spit flew from his mouth and landed on one of the cameramen. For the third time that day the production assistant ran out with another box of Kleenex and passed it over so the man could wipe his face, a look of disdain present on his face. "Just please stop cock blocking me!" He begged. At which point half the room (both male and female) offered 'to do' him if he would just shut up.

 _He is now married to our sound manager and they have three kids. Jules would like to thank Caroline for helping her meet Tyler. Caroline sent them a wedding gift: a toaster and a packet of Cherry Twizzlers. Caroline's favourite candy._

 **-x-**

 _Stefan Salvatore_

Stefan performed another of the songs, 'Sorry', before finally sitting back down, his chest heaving. "A great album," he smiled. "I'll only give it back to you if you come and get it yourself," he quirked an eyebrow.

 _Caroline has since obtained a new Justin Bieber album. Signed by Mr. JB himself with a side note saying:_

 _Caroline, half this CD was in tribute to you. You are and always will be my Purpose and are a constant reminder that Life Is Worth Living. Please give me another chance!_

 _-JB_

 **-x-**

 _Klaus Mikaelson_

His light eyes looked intensely down the lens, captivating half the crew members. "Bye, love."

 _Crrrrrrrrrrrrrck static._

 **-x-**

Caroline still to this day runs rampant, leaving a trail of broken hearts in her wake.

Our executive producer included.


End file.
